Preparation

        The last night in Switzerland while lying in a hotel bed in Zurich and knowing I had to wake up at 4:00 to go the airport, my mind began to run on overtime and kept me from the few hours of anticipated sleep. Instead of trying to shut out the loud sounds of the bar downstairs, I began to think and pray through some mental preparations for Spain. People have asked me, "so, are you ready for Spain? Are you nervous for anything? Have you been preparing?" I wonder, what does it mean to prepare? To ready myself for the unknown? Originally I thought it would be to catalogue my expectations, my nervousness, my excitement, my questions, or my fears. But then I mentally rewind. I would rather not have my mind filled with expectations. Expectations are limiting; they either form boxes so only certain information, experiences, and observations can penetrate and fit into my preconceived notions, or they create unreachable ideals.
        Everyday we all enter into the unknown of the day, yet so often our unknown is buffeted by illusions of control through routine, habit, and schedule. In our plans and assuredness of our control, we forget that each day is not held by us but rather by the hands of the Sovereign. It is in these times, though, when about to venture into a new place or a new season that the idea of preparation is highlighted. So here I am, attempting to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for four months in another country around the world, learning a new language, not knowing anyone. I think rather than lists made in my head or checklists of expectations, preparing looks like surrender; conscious and intentional surrender. I choose to surrender this time, these coming experiences to Jesus; He is the only one that holds the control, the only one for whom I want to glorify and grow into during these coming months. I wonder, is this call to surrender in the unknown one for everyday rather than just for big changes like me going to Spain?